Write That Book Already!: The Tough Love You Need To Get Published Now Read online

  Praise for Write That Book Already!

  “I learned more from this wise, witty primer of publishing than from fifteen years in the business. With everything you need to know—and some things you don’t want to—in one place, this is the only pen-to-shelf guide you’ll ever need.”

  —Jacquelyn Mitchard, author of The Deep End of the Ocean

  “If I can’t have the enablers to kick me in the pants every writing day, at least I’ve got this book!”

  —Andrew Sean Greer, author of The Story of a Marriage

  “If you read one book this year, I’d say you’re not an avid reader. But if you write one book this year, this is the book you should read so you can get it published.”

  —Alan Zweibel, Thurber Prize–winning author of The Other Shulman

  “Write That Book Already! is the most informative, interesting, useful, and fun book about the business, art, and craft of book writing since . . . well, since ever! Terrific writing, business, and human advice by some terrific, experienced, funny, smart writers. Kathi Goldmark and Sam Barry, as the Author Enablers, have been the Go-To People for aspiring writers for years, and in this book they elucidate pretty much every aspect of the craft. This book is a must-have for every aspiring writer on the planet.”

  —John Lescroart, author of Treasure Hunt

  “Among the many charms of this guide to becoming a writer, it consistently helps you understand the perspective of the agents, editors, and gatekeepers who you probably fear are in your way, but are in fact there to help you if you’re willing to listen. Anyone at work on their first book, or wanting to start their first book, should soak up some of this tough love from Kathi and Sam.”

  —Po Bronson, author of What Should I Do with My Life?

  This stellar new book on writing

  Is most helpful, clear, and inviting.

  The big kicker, though—

  I feel you must know—

  Is its humor, which just keeps delighting.

  —David Corbett, author of Do They Know I’m Running?

  “It’s the book you need in your back pocket and under your pillow so you never feel alone on that long, mysterious road from blank page to bestseller list.”

  —Jewelle Gomez, author of The Gilda Stories

  “Too chicken to start writing that bestseller in your head? Read this book, but only if you can handle success.”

  —Bharati Mukherjee, author of Jasmine and Desirable Daughters

  “A playful but practical guide that contains just about everything I’ve told my own writing students over the last thirty years.”

  —Molly Giles, author of Creek Walk and Other Stories and Iron Shoes

  “With humor, compassion, wisdom, and street smarts, this wonderful book takes aspiring writers by the hand and guides them through the publication process, from first inspiration to bookstore shelf, with a matzo ball soup break (recipe included!) on the way. If you want to write and get published, you need this book.”

  —Elizabeth Dewberry, author of His Lovely Wife

  “Kathi Goldmark and Sam Barry are the literary older siblings every new writer needs—encouraging, sensible, and funny as hell. They’ll cheer you up even as they tell it straight, in a book filled with good advice, helpful hints, and great anecdotes from marquee names in the world of publishing. Read their book, already! It will Enable you—and entertain you—on the way to writing your own.”

  —Sylvia Brownrigg, author of Morality Tale and Pages for You

  Foreword by Maya Angelou

  WRITE THAT

  BOOK

  ALREADY!

  The Tough Love You Need to Get

  Published Now

  Includes Original Insight from

  Stephen King, Amy Tan, Dave Barry,

  Scott Turow, Andrew Sean Greer, Meg

  Waite Clayton…

  and a whole bunch more

  Sam Barry and Kathi Kamen Goldmark,

  BookPage’s Author Enablers

  For Tony, Marissa, Daniel, and Laura,

  terrific writers all

  Copyright © 2010 by Sam Barry and Kathi Kamen Goldmark

  All rights reserved.

  This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

  Published by

  Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.

  57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.

  www.adamsmedia.com

  ISBN 10: 1-60550-147-6

  ISBN 13: 978-1-60550-147-5

  eISBN 10: 1-4405-0710-4

  eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0710-6

  Printed in the United States of America.

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  is available from the publisher.

  This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

  —From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

  Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

  This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.

  For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  On A of this very book we advise authors to avoid overkill on their acknowledgment pages. “Try to avoid thanking . . . your second-grade teacher, the guy who sold you all those lattes, your cat,” we primly counsel. Well, that’s easier said than done.

  First, a big shout-out to the Author Enabler Enablers: agent Deb Warren and the team at Adams Media, including Brendan O’Neill, Meredith O’Hayre, Ashley Vierra, Casey Ebert, Karen Cooper, Beth Gissinger, and Chelsea King. Thanks to Lynn Green and all our pals at BookPage for permission to use Author Enabler column excerpts, and to the intelligent and talented readers of our column and blog for asking questions that inspire us to learn. Thank you to Laina Adler, Eric Brandt, and Gideon Weil for their sage advice; to Betty Kamen for editorial help on the home front; and to Rabih Alameddine, Leslie Levine, Susanne Pari, and Amy Tan for brainstorming titles when we know they had other important work to do. We thank all the authors who contributed words of wisdom and experience, with special appreciation to Maya Angelou for both her foreword and her friendship.

  Love and thanks to our amazing kids and their equally amazing sweethearts: Tony and Marissa Goldmark, Laura Barry, Daniel Barry, and Dilek Uygül. We also thank all the folks at HarperOne, West Coast Live, and the Friends of the San Francisco Public Library for working with us; and the Rock Bottom Remainders for playing with us. Then there’s the guy who sold us all those lattes, not to mention his cat . . .

  KATHI KAMEN GOLDMARK

  and SAM BARRY

  CONTENTS

  Introduction: Ask the Author Enablers

  Chapter One: Why We Write (and Why You Write, Too)

  Chapter Two: You Have a Great Idea. So What?

  Chapter Three: How to Get Started with the Write Stuff

  Chapter Four: Your Manuscrip
t: The Basic Rules of Attraction

  Chapter Five: Finding an Agent

  Chapter Six: Behind Closed Doors: Will They Buy Your Book?

  Chapter Seven: You and Your Editor

  Chapter Eight: Marketing and Publicity: Getting the Word Out

  Chapter Nine: The Pros and Cons of Self-Publishing

  Chapter Ten: For Sale: Bookstores, Bookselling, and Book Groups

  Chapter Eleven: Long Life: Paperback and Backlist

  Conclusion: What’s Next?

  Appendix I: Beloved Books of Famous Authors

  Appendix II : The Life Cycle of a Book

  Appendix III : Glossary of Publishing Terminology

  FOREWORD

  Nathaniel Hawthorne is credited with having said that easy reading is damned hard writing. I believe that, and also believe that easy writing may be damned hard reading. Kathi Kamen Goldmark and Sam Barry, both writers and wits, have given us a book called Write That Book Already!, which informs us about the ins and outs of writing for publication.

  Obviously they agreed with Nathaniel Hawthorne, for while they are offering their book, and it is easy reading, in no way does it lead us to believe that writing for publication will be easy or easily achievable. Their writing is light and amusing. However, they remind the reader that if writing well is the goal, then time and patience and focus must be used in abundance.

  I admire this book for its honesty, its bravery, and for its charm. Had I not decided, over forty years ago, to be a writer, I might have read this book and decided not to try. However, the joy they promise in their prose makes me glad that I and other writers have been willing to make good writing our aim, and even great writing our dream.

  ~Maya Angelou

  INTRODUCTION

  ASK THE AUTHOR ENABLERS

  They call to you from the store window. They also call from the library, your lover’s bedside table, your friend’s fanny pack, or your great-aunt’s dusty attic. They lure you away from your housework, schoolwork, job, or career. They offer escape, entertainment, knowledge, enlightenment, humor, and the wisdom of the ages, in addition to their own unique brand of nourishment.

  Of course, we’re talking about that half-empty bag of fried pork rinds (your great-aunt’s favorite, and her demise). But if you look in the other store, the bookstore, you’ll see another kind of sustenance— the kind you find in books: the ones you love, the ones you read over and over again, the ones you’ve always meant to read and never got around to, and most especially, the one you plan to write.

  As the Author Enablers, we get questions from aspiring writers from all over the world. There are those who think they have a book in them but who have no idea how to write. We often suggest to this group that they consider pursuing a more suitable and lucrative career, such as government lobbyist or investment banker. But most of the time we get interesting questions from a diverse group of people. Many of these folks are gifted writers who are struggling with the business end of publishing; others have a handle on marketing but find the writing to be tough. And there are many variations and combinations of these issues presenting a block to a writer’s dream of becoming a published author. The most common question we get is some variation of “How do I get my book published?”

  We intend to spend the rest of this book answering that question.

  Along the way, we hope to demystify the overall writing and book-publishing process, revealing what happens to your book, step by step, between that first lightning-bolt of inspiration and the last ride to the shredder—oops, we mean the bestseller list. We’ll also dispense plenty of good advice and tough-love reality checks, including the reminder that talent, luck, and timing all come into play. Our goal is to help you become one of the lucky, hard-working writers who wind up with a publishing contract.

  But while we will focus on making the writing and publishing business clearer for all you aspiring authors, throughout this book we never want to forget to encourage you—whether or not you ever get a book published—to keep writing. Writing helps clarify thoughts and feelings, and being a good writer is essential to good communication skills, which will help you in every area of your life. Well, not in your golf game, and come to think of it not so much in your cooking or household chores. But writing is a good skill to have.

  If your goal is to write a book for publication, rule number one is that no one ever finished a book without sitting down and getting started. Few authors get published without engaging in the daily discipline of writing, even if some days that means staring down a blank notebook or computer screen and drooling into your bag of pork rinds.

  So fire up that laptop (or desktop, or Blackberry, or spiral notebook), apply butt to chair, and let’s get started.

  CHAPTER ONE

  WHY WE WRITE

  (AND WHY YOU

  WRITE, TOO)

  We all have stories to tell and important information to share. Whether or not you ever get published, the discipline of putting your words down on paper and improving your writing skills is good for you. Really.

  Unlike the order in which most people read books, it happens that we are writing this first chapter last. The reason for this is that we’ve gone back and forth and back and forth again over the issues of voice and tone. On one hand, we want to present our writing to you in a consistent shared voice, much as we do in our BookPage column. That means taking a lighthearted tone and cracking a few jokes, while imparting useful information about writing and publishing.

  On the other hand, if you’ve picked up this book then we know you are serious about your writing. And when we started writing Chapter 1 (the most important chapter in any book) we found ourselves getting pretty serious ourselves—even, dare we say it, a little preachy. We just couldn’t help it. We care that much. But we don’t want you to think we’ve lost our sense of humor.

  What to do? At Author Enablers World Headquarters we aim to please. So here are two Chapter 1s: one is more lighthearted, one more sincere.

  CHAPTER 1 (LITE)

  Writing is an extension of something that is deeply ingrained in the human species—graffiti. Look at all those cave paintings! And those Egyptian tombs. Graffiti satisfies the age-old irrepressible urge to make one’s indelible mark on a nice clean wall (or tomb). Writing helps us record history and empathize with others, even when we know those others are misguided and wrong. Just as we learn to walk, talk, and eat (anyone for pork rinds?), we learn to write by growing up around other people who write mysterious things we long to understand.

  THE STORY OF WRITING

  The earliest form of writing can be dated to around 3000 B.C., when the ancient Chinese discovered that they could keep secrets from their children by spelling words instead of saying them out loud. But many ancient cultures continued to pass on their knowledge, stories, and history by word of mouth. It took their bards and druids decades to learn everything they had to remember, and often by the time they had completed the task no one cared any more. Homer tried to keep things interesting with tales of food, violence, and loose women, which is why his stories are still being made into major motion pictures to this very day.

  In general, as there was an increasing amount of history to remember, it became more efficient to write things down. But as time went on, cuneiform images and early alphabets became disfigured by natural erosion and graffiti artists, and—slowly and gradually—began to take on different meanings from one century to the next, resembling a very slow version of the children’s game of Telephone. When the game begins, the first player must whisper a particular phrase into the next player’s ear, but by the time the message gets to the end of the line, an amazing transformation may occur—a transformation so dramatic and bizarre that everyone is astonished! This was, in fact, how T. S. Eliot’s poem The Waste Land was composed by a classroom of Irish kindergartners.

  But we digress.

  “What,” we can hear you asking, “does an Irish kindergarten class or cuneiform graffiti have to do wi
th me? I’m writing an important book about (pick as many as apply):

  • Ethel Merman’s costume jewelry and its cultural and historical importance

  • Traveling with your pet goat

  • The history of the lug wrench

  • An alternate universe in which anyone who can’t play the kazoo is imprisoned and tortured.”

  Whatever your subject, you believe the world needs to hear your message. You are certain that once the agents, editors, publishers, and movie producers of the world have access to your work, they will make you famous and offer you life-changing opportunities because you are that good.

  “Come on, Author Enablers,” you say, “show me the money.”

  Which shows how much you know—we don’t have the money. The banks have the money. Still, whatever your message, writing makes it possible to compose and record your thoughts and stories in a form that will last as long as language is understood. And giving a little thought to why you want and need to write is a good idea.

  CHAPTER 1 (SINCERE)

  Writing is an extension of something that is deeply ingrained in the human species—language. Writing helps us clarify our thoughts and record history; it deepens our understanding of the world and allows us to empathize with others. We learn to speak when we’re very young, and we use language to address almost every area of our lives. We use words to teach our children the lessons of life, to express emotion, to conduct commerce, to record our deepest religious practices, to share our knowledge, to stay connected, and to express the thoughts and ideas that emerge from our imaginations. Words are so important to us, so vital to our beings, that we sometimes take this gift of ours for granted. We shouldn’t—words are too powerful to take for granted.